CHAPTER FIFTY THREE

LIII
Mischa and Rupert left Dr. Awesome’s stem cell research clinic in a hurry and set off for the other side of the island, where they hoped to find the man who allegedly had enough money to be worth robbing.

“You have robbed people before, right, Comrade?” inquired Mischa.

“Of course I have. I’m robbing you right now!” said Rupert, stealing Mischa’s empty wallet. “Walk faster! We don’t have all day, you know.”

“Right. Because we have three days!” said Mischa.

“No, we only have one day. Didn’t you hear Dr. Awesome’s last sentence? It was awesome!” snapped Rupert.

“Oh, right. I am sorry, Comrade. All of that running must have damaged my brain, or something,” explained Mischa.

The two increased their pace and finally stumbled across a gigantic mansion. An insurmountable stone wall surrounded the property, and the only way in was through a wrought iron gate, which was bolted shut.

Marble pillars formed a walkway from the gate to the front door, which was also made of marble, so presumably it would be extremely difficult to open – which was just as well, as the man who lived in the mansion neither left its confines nor let people inside, being a bitter, resentful misanthrope.

Mischa rang the bell, and much to his surprise, a reply came almost immediately.

It was a gruff, peevish voice that came through the speaker: “What do you want? I hate everyone.”

“We are going to rob you,” said Mischa. “Could you let us in, please?”

“Dammit Mischa, could you be any less competent? Let me handle this,” said Rupert, pushing Mischa out of the way and moving up to the speaker. “Hello sir, we’re selling girl scout cookies. Would you like to buy some?”

“Oh, yes. I love girl scout cookies! Come on in!” said the voice.

The gate slowly opened – very slowly. Mischa and Rupert actually considered leaving because it was taking so long. But they waited.

They squeezed through when there was a gap big enough to fit them and approached the main entrance, where they waited for the marble door to open. It didn’t.

Mischa knocked, grievously injuring his hand; then Rupert knocked, punching a hole straight through the door, which then opened somehow. The old man was standing right there, clearly having been expecting them.

“I’d like three boxes of those thin mints; they’re delicious!” he said. “And do you still have those caramel ones? Oh, those are good. Those are real good. Hey, hang on a minute…you don’t look like girl scouts! Girl scouts are little girls, not grown men!”

“He is onto us, Comrade. Get him!” shouted Mischa.

Mischa and Rupert tackled the man and started punching him. He didn’t fight back, instead berating himself for having fired all his security guards that morning.

“I think he is unconscious, Comrade. Let us take his money,” said Mischa.

“There’s just one problem, Mischa,” noted Rupert. “We don’t know where it is. We’ll have to split up and search the mansion.”

They split up and searched the mansion, finding lots and lots of money.

“Well done, Comrade,” said Mischa. “Now let us return to Dr. Awesome’s stem cell research clinic, so that he can clone us!”

“Not so fast!” said the voice of the old man, who had regained consciousness and was blocking their exit path. “You’re not going anywhere!”

“Oh? And how do you propose to stop us, old man?” asked Mischa, moving forward threateningly.

“With this gun I'm holding.”

“…Crap.”