Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Shamus, John and Bill sat in a circle on a set of luxurious chairs in John’s throne room. John was listening intently to Shamus, while Bill was engrossed with a rubix cube, one side of which he’d almost managed to complete. Well, not really. He loved the purple cushions though; they were divinely comfortable.

“So Josiah’s been in a coma all this time?” asked John. “That’s incredible! This means he hasn’t had a chance to carry out his evil plan, and I can keep searching without worrying about wasting time! We really owe you one, Shamus.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, laddie. After all, we’re workin’ toward the same goal, aren’t we?” said Shamus. “I was just doin’ me job.”

“But now that I think about it, why didn’t you kill him?” asked John. “I mean, you obviously had the upper hand in there, and I saw you take out two dozen armed marines once. You didn’t have to stop at knocking him unconscious for a year.”

“I was pretty drunk,” said Shamus. “I’m sure I had my reasons. I do some of my best thinking drunk, you know. Well, not really; that’s a blatant lie, that is. But trust me! It works out well this way. Now he’ll wake up in time to start that battle of yours –”

“ – Without having made any progress at all with his actual plans,” concluded John. “Then this really is the perfect solution. I’ll finish gathering my army, show up at the battle and win it. Then Cyprus will be mine!”

“About that, laddie…” began Shamus.

“What?” said John coldly.

“You do realize she’s workin’ for Josiah, right?” said Shamus. “I’ve a fair feeling she’ll betray you as soon as you marry her.”

“Oh, I’ve taken that into consideration,” said John. “That’s why I plan on killing Josiah as soon as I win the battle.”

“Won’t he have planned for that?” asked Shamus.

“Probably, but I’ll outsmart him, because I’m a genius!” proclaimed John. “He thinks he’ll use this battle to eliminate me and Mischa, but he’s walking right into my trap that I haven’t made yet. But I’ll make it. Oh, I’ll make it. And it will be brilliant!”

“Hey laddie, want me to fight on your team?” asked Shamus. “I am the greatest fighter on the planet, you know. I’m sure I could help ya.”

“That would be a good idea, Shamus,” said John, “but I don’t think so. Seeing you on my team will confirm in Josiah’s mind the fact that I’m still working against him. Now he thinks I’m just infatuated with Cyprus, that I’ve forgotten all about thwarting him – it’s imperative that he continue to think this.”

“You make a good point, laddie,” said Shamus. “I’ll stay away then. But if you need help, just blow on this whistle and I’ll be there!”

“You can hear this from anywhere on the planet?” asked John, amazed. “This is quite a whistle! Where’d you get it?”

“A box of Lucky Charms,” replied Shamus.

“I love that cereal!” said John.

“Yes, they remind me of home!” agreed Shamus. “I ate these all the time in Japan. Well, I’ll be seein’ ya!”

He stood up, extended an arm and flew away, leaving the whistle to John and a gaping hole in the palace roof. Heroic music started playing, but where it was coming from, nobody knew.

“Come on Bill, let’s go down to the feast. I’m sure it’s ready by now,” said John.

“Yeah! I’m real hungry. I remember one time I was so hungry I ate a whole horse! Well it was actually only a hamburger, but they both start with h! And I didn’t even really finish it, cause it was too big. I mean, I wasn’t THAT hungry.”

“On second thought, I’ll go down and eat and you’ll stay here and fix the roof. I’m not going to feed you today. There’s a ladder in that supply closet.”

“But I’m afraid of heights!” protested Bill.


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