Friday, March 7, 2008


John, Bill, Jeannine entered the castle together. John had his zombies wait outside; he didn’t want to cause a panic. Immediately upon going inside, John gathered the 50 soldiers Pompetus had promised him and set off, refusing the feast that had been prepared.

“No, I do not want another feast. What’s wrong with you people? Don’t you ever just eat normal meals?” he said. “Oh, and Pompetus, you’re fired.”

“What?! But why, my Lord?” demanded the vassal.

“I don’t like you,” said John. “Now let’s go!”

And they were gone. With his army now prepared and that fateful date drawing ever nearer, John decided to go to Rome, where he’d wait out the remaining few weeks before the battle, preparing himself mentally for the ordeal to come.

Meanwhile, Mischa and Rupert had already returned from the nameless island, all 99 of their Dr. Awesome clones at hand. They too decided to wait for the battle in Rome, so thither they flew.

“Well Comrade, I certainly believe that we will win this battle without any problems at all! These clones are awesome!” said Mischa confidently.

“Yes, Mischa, they are awesome,” replied Rupert, “Dr. Awesome, in fact.”

“That was a good one, Comrade.”

“Of course it was. I’ve been working on it all day.”

John and Jeannine rented a hotel room, but being short on cash (he’d forgotten to bring any money from Denmark), they could only afford a room with two beds. John’s army had set up a camp on the outskirts of the city. Bill slept outside, in the dark, empty streets.

“But why can’t I come in?” asked Bill.

“You need to stay out here and…stand guard,” said John. “Make sure nobody…ah, forget it.”

John walked inside, reveling in the sound the door made as it slammed shut behind him. He filled a bucket with ice, walked into his room, double checked the locks and fell fast asleep, not at all concerned about the imminent battle.

Mischa and Rupert, by an astonishing coincidence, soon rented another room in the same hotel. They passed Bill on their way in, and Mischa greeted him, not considering him much of a threat.

“Hello there, Comrade! How have you been? Still traveling with John?” he inquired. “I sure hope he doesn’t think he will win the battle. Because I will win the battle!”

“Do I know you?” asked Bill.

“Of course you do! I am Mischa Petrovitch! This is my Comrade, Rupert. And these are 99 clones of Dr. Awesome. Do you not remember me?” responded Mischa.

“Oh. No, I don’t remember anything. John’s been giving me shots that keep me from remembering things. He says it’s for my own good.”

“That sounds like John, all right!”

“Who’s John?” asked Bill.

Mischa and Rupert went inside, instructing the Dr. Awesome clones to stay put. They naturally assumed the clones didn’t need sleep, or shelter. They were wrong, of course, and all of the clones died.

But they didn’t know it – no, that night they slept peacefully in their comfy hotel room; as did John and Jeannine, in their comfy hotel room; as did Josiah, in his comfy coma.

The battle was coming ever closer. Josiah would be out of his coma any day, ready to resume his malevolent machinations. And Cyprus? Well…she’d been rather busy herself.

She’d taken a part-time job at Office Max. It was very demanding.

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