CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

XXI
Once they got used to the Blizzard’s curious habit of yelling absolutely everything, John, Bill and Mischa realized that he was actually quite a friendly host. Life in his palace offered them welcome respite from the life-threatening conditions of Antarctica.

After John agreed to reimburse him for the damaged floor (and offered – though was never asked – to murder Bill for additional compensation), the Blizzard and his ice butler took them on a tour of the palace. It took much longer than it should have, as Bill continuously made a point of yelling out in surprise that every room they entered was made of ice.

“This one’s the kitchen! My ice butler does all the cooking here!” said the Blizzard, leading them through the house.

“Indeed I do, sir,” replied the butler.

“Oh my God! This entire room is made of ice!” shouted Bill.

“Bill, if you do that one more time, I’m going to –”

“And here’s the bathroom, where I take my nightly ice bath! It’s cold, like my heart – because I’m THE BLIZZARD!” he declared proudly.

“I’m Bill! And oh my God! This entire room is made of ice!” shouted Bill.

As they walked, John and Mischa discussed their situation behind the Blizzard’s back, not wanting him to hear. They couldn’t quite decide what to make of him: on the one hand, he didn’t seem evil or malicious; but on the other, he was very loud and sort of obnoxious. They concluded that they might as well just see how things played out.

At last, after more walking than could possibly have been necessary, they came to the final room: the Ice Room.

“I don’t see what’s so special about it,” noted John, staring around at the now familiar walls of ice enveloping them. “I mean, every room’s an ice room, isn’t it?”

“Yes! But this one’s slightly icier!” replied the Blizzard.

“Ah, yes, of course, now I see. Very nice,” added John.

“Yes, it is truly a magnificent room,” concurred Mischa. “It reminds me of the ice palace I used to live in, when I was just a lad! Except I did not live in an ice palace when I was a lad.”

“You’re funny, Mischa. And wow! This entire room is made of ice!” noted Bill. “That’s unbelievable!”

The Blizzard sat down on a chair of ice, and his ice butler stood beside him motionless, waiting for orders. John, Bill and Mischa just stood there awkwardly, glancing around at each other and waiting for the Blizzard to speak. Finally, he did.

“So that’s the tour!” he shouted. “Any questions?!”

“I have one,” said John. “How and why did you build this ice castle in the middle of Antarctica? It’s nice and all, but it seems a bit pointless.”

“Very true!” answered the Blizzard. “Well, it’s a long story! It all began about three years ago, when I came to Antarctica looking for an ice butler, for reasons I’m reluctant to reveal! When I found one, he built me this palace! Hmm…I guess it really isn’t that long!”

Bill took out a yo-yo and started playing with it. John shook his head. Bill looked sad and put the yo-yo away. Then he took it out again. Mischa checked his watch.

“We should probably go…” began John, remembering their quest and realizing that the ice palace was more or less a huge waste of time.

“But aren’t you going to stay for dinner?!” demanded the Blizzard.

“Why, what are we having?” asked Mischa.

“Herring! Red Herring!”